Tuesday, July 28, 2009

The Gender Decision

Everyone knows that at 20 weeks - during an ultrasound - mommies and daddies are given the opportunity to find out the gender of their little bambinos.

I totally understand that for some mommies and daddies there is no decision to be made. Expectant parents tend to fall into one of two categories: "We must know so I can plan every last detail and make sure the nursery is super fabulous." or "There are so few surprises in life; why not be surprised?"

I guess I am somewhere in between. Because I really can't decide. I am agonizing ... just a little ... over this gender decision.

Just today, in three separate phone conversations, I was faced with this decision at point-blank range. My friends Missy and Laurie and my mom, all three of them, asked me specifically about whether or not I intend to find out the gender of Baby V 2.0. And I just don't know!

We did not find out with Natalie, and I was/am so very happy with that decision. I loved not knowing. I (secretly) loved knowing that the "not-knowing" drove my mom and several others crazy. I loved thinking she was a boy and calling her Jack (based on a hunch) for almost the entire pregnancy. I loved having her revealed to us at the delivery. I decorated the nursery in primary colors and the alphabet (with the help of family and friends), and I absolutely love it. I can't imagine Natalie in a pink nursery. I had neutral clothes for when she was first born and then a whole slew of pink arrived shortly after. Yes, that was definitely a decision I was happy with.

For me, the nursery is not a concern. Baby V 2.0 will take over Natalie's current nursery ... as clearly, it's gender-neutral. While the practicality of getting rid of the girl clothes does make sense to me, I am not in a hurry to part with Natalie's early wardrobe. I've heard the suggestion that it may be nice to prepare Natalie for having a baby brother or sister. Thus far, that's the most compelling argument. I can see that would cut down on some confusion. But really, she's a two-year-old, so I am not sure I'll base my decision on her.

I don't know how else to explain this ... I like not knowing as much as I like knowing.


Alright friends, strangers, ... if you are reading this ... what do you think? Give me your two cents. Share your experience. Give me advice. Help me make this decision!

9 comments:

stb said...

We had a girl first and for all of the same reasons you listed, we didn't find out the gender. When we were pregnant with our second I had a stronger feeling that I wanted to find out but we didn't and it was just as wonderful the second time.

Whenever people say they need to find out to have pink or blue clothes, etc ready - I laugh because both times (we had a boy in April) you get SO MANY CLOTHES after the baby is born - it's ridiculous!

We called the baby "Arlo" when it was in my belly so our DD had something to call him/her. But as soon as he was born, she was calling him by his real name.



I vote for not finding out!

LEH said...

Hello from NY, Dana! I decided to check out your blog as I've had fun reading it in the past. Congrats on V 2.0!! I found out we were having a girl with Caitlyn but since it was a girl they're never 100% sure it's really a girl so part of me tried not to get attached to the fact it was a girl in case it wasn't really and still did the nursery and major gear in neutral (also so I could reuse when baby #2 comes along...no I'm not prego). I had a friend who was told she was having a girl and it turned out to be a boy and she had a really hard time adjusting to it after thinking it was a girl for so long and even took a couple of days to name him. Not sure if that helps or not but if you choose to find out you'll only be 100% sure of the sex if they see it's a boy so you may not want to find out at all.

Oliver'sMom said...

My vote is don't find out. So few things in this life are such amazing, pleasant surprises!

Laura said...

Well I already told you it's a boy, so no need to find out!

Chi-town momma said...

Totally agree with Laura! And I can't wait to see you be a mom to a boy...

Janelle said...

My vote is for not finding out....if nothing else then to drive everyone else crazy. :)

Deann said...

We'll of course "I" want to know! I can't wait to find out if Baby V will be a boy or girl! Maybe if it is a boy, he and Baby L will BFFs like N & S the elder sisters. Even though I'm dying for you to find out ... I will support your decision :-)

Kathy said...

We were surprised with G and found out with Q and honestly I think I liked finding out. It was excited not knowing with G, but with Q I was able to .. I don't know .. start that bond?? does that make sense? The way I saw it .. it's a surprise whenever you find out .. whether it's in the delivery room or when you get your ultrasound! :)

BJ_Mama said...

Be surprised! It's so much fun! My favorite part of all my siblings have children was waiting for the "It's a Boy" or "It's a Girl" phone call....
And, it was SUPER exciting to wait and find out at the brith of our daughter!

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