Sunday, May 30, 2010

All About MEme: Period


I cannot thank you enough for the positive thougths, well wishes and prayers sent to my best friend and her little boy!  The surgery went as well as could be expected. He still has a lot of recovery ahead of him, but he is no longer sedated and Missy got to hold him today!

Now, on with the show ...

Aunt Flo, cousin Red, Sally, ... 
whatever you call her ...

tell us a funny, embarrassing, interesting story 
about your monthly visitor ... 
perhaps your "first" was memorable,
maybe you've got a white pants tale to share,
difficulties with feminine products? (who can relate?)
or if you just need to vent about the severity of your PMS,
that's okay, too ... I guess ... 

I, my friends, am what's known as a late bloomer. I was sixteen  when I got my period for the first time.  Yes, I had a driver's license before I began menstruating.  How crazy is that?!  

In the fifth grade, my mom took me to some program hosted by the local hospital ... where I learned about ovaries and fallopian tubes and uterial lining ... gross!  I can remember the girls were all made to sit on the floor (huddled together in our embarrassment) while the moms sat in chairs at the back of the room.  The lights were dimmed - ambiance created for two reasons: 1. so we could see the strange images projected on the screen and 2. to provide some camouflage for our flushed cheeks and wide eyes.  It was quite an experience, but at least I left with some idea of what would happen to my body ... one day.  Seems to me this is a conversation a mom could have with her daughter ... not sure why we attended a "class."

In the sixth grade, just about every girl in my class started their period.  (At least that's how it seemed to me.)  It was always so obvious when another of them joined the "club."  Suddenly she would be carrying a little purse ... like a freakin' badge of honor, I tell ya!  By the end of the school year, I was feeling so left out that I, too, began carrying a purse - one that I found in the bottom of my mom's closet.  Yeah, it wasn't cute or small ... but it was a purse and it got noticed and my friends assumed I was having my period ... mission accomplished!  I even went so far as to carry and wear panty liners.  I rustled those little papers like crazy in the stall of the girls restroom!

For the next 4 years, I didn't really think about my period very much.  I finally got to the point of being happy not to have my period ... my friends were all bitching about cramps and tampons and what-not.  And I was like ... huh, that does not sound delightful.  At around age 15, I started thinking something was wrong with me.  But again, it seemed better than having to deal with all that crap once each month.

And then ... it happened ... my first encounter with Aunt Flo was not all that memorable.  Nothing like my friend Missy, who was shoveling snow when she got her first period.  Her mom gave her a pad and sent her right back outside to finish the job ... oh, that story cracks me up!  I remember my "stomach" hurt a little before I went to bed and then she arrived in the morning - not while I was still in bed, thankfully!  What I do remember more than anything else ... later that evening, after spending the day being a big baby about the whole situation, I was ironing a pile of clothes (don't ask - I did a lot of ironing in high school) in my room when my dad got home from work.  I could here a hushed conversation between my parents, and then my dad knocked and came in with this goofy look on his face.  He said something like, "I heard what happened today.  And I just want you to know that I love you."  My cheeks were burning red and I was humiliated and felt so angry at my mom for telling him!  How dare he acknowledge that I "became a woman" today!  When I think back on that now, it seems ridiculous.  I actually wish my parents had been more open about the topic.  Hopefully, Chad and I will do better (or differently) with our girls.  I cannot even think about how traumatized I will be when my daughters go through this!

Not only did I start my period later than any other girl I know, but I also refused to use a tampon until I was about 20 years old.  I had to ask Missy and another friend of ours, Amy, to help me figure out HOW to get that thing in there.  It seemed like such an enigma to me.  I could NOT imagine putting something in my body ... and the thought of retrieving it just about put me over the edge!  But they were both so patient with me, and we laughed ... a lot!  They even did a demonstration of how it "works" using water and the bathroom sink!  When I got home - after several hours had passed - I had to call Amy to have her talk me through getting it out ... and I flipped out when I saw it!  Somehow - after several months of trying -  I managed to get that whole tampon thing figured out ... but I still think about Missy and Amy most every time I use one ;)

Okay, that's enough of my period.  Can't wait to read about yours ... hope I am not the only weirdo!


BJ_Mama said...

ewww....that's gross. I'm offended.

HAHAHA!!! Actually I'm laughing hysterically cuz I'm preggo and no getting my period for a long time....HAHAHAHA! SUCKAS!

(sorry...i'm in a bit of a weird mood today)

Nicole said...

LOL! Here you were making noises making sure everyone heard your bathroom business and now-a-days people cough to cover all that drama up! lol

Emmett Joseph said...

Oh my goodness...I'm crying here from laughing so hard. I will NEVER forget the "tampon demo" and standing outside Amy's bathroom door talking you through it. Oh, D, you have brought so much fun and laughter to my life--don't ever change! :)

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