Saturday, May 3, 2008

Confessions of a Scaredy Cat

I'm not sure why, but I feel like confessing something, something that is absolutely ridiculous but also 100%, Scout's honor the truth. And I am not entirely sure what it has to do with being a mom, but perhaps if I write about it, a connection will reveal itself.

For the past 23 years, I have jumped into bed each night. I simply cannot stand to leave my feet dangling over the edge of the bed, especially when the lights are out. And so, each night I take a few long strides (not exactly a run) and leap onto my mattress - careful not to expose my tootsies and ankles to the monster I fear is under my bed. If I stand beside my bed for much more than a second or two, I get the hard-core willies. You know shivers up the spine, the hee-bee gee-bees! Each and every time my mind conjures up images of these horrifying, gruesome pale white arms and hands reaching out to grab me and pull be under. My imagination never gets further than that because I will not allow it!

Where does this deep-rooted, crazy fear come from? The answer is simple: Tales from the Darkside. This truly awful, trainwreck of a show that my brother Randy and I used to watch late on Saturday nights. Back in the mid 80s, it was the best and worst 30-minutes of my week.

To be more specific, I think it was the episode called Monsters in my Room, and it starred Seth Green. I can't actually confirm that because after Googling it and finding it on YouTube, I wasn't able to watch it. I tried. I really did. But just a minute or two in, and my heart would race. I just couldn't bring myself to confront those awful pale hands ... seriously, I am so freaked out right now!
And so I am a wife and a mother and a grown woman who jumps into bed each night in an attempt to elude the monster beneath my bed. As a wife, I am glad my husband doesn't complain about the little bed quakes caused by my jumps. As a mom, I imagine being called to five year old's room after she's had a nightmare. I'll want so badly to perch on the side of her bed, to soothe her and ease her fears, but how am I suppose to do that without exposing my feet to the monster beneath her bed!


~d said...

Oh gosh that is SO FUNNY!
You'll have to pass down that launch and leap to NHV!

It's so weird what things remind us of others.
You know what makes me think of YOU?

Knives under my pillow. :)


Laura and Kelly Allen said...

I so understand this one. I typically turn off the lights in each room as I go, starting at the farthest end of the house to the bedroom. If I forget a light and have to go back to the farther end, I turn it off and run to the nearest room with light. I've done that since I was a kid and would run upstairs after turning off the downstairs lights. In my mind, if I run to a light room, whatever lurks in the dark can't get me. Hmm... I'm pretty sure serial killers aren't afraid of light.

Chi-town momma said...

Just wait until NHV is old enough to make fun of you for this!
I hate stairs that only have the part of the step you stand on and not the back. Comes from the movie Pet Semetary, when the guy is walking down the steps and something slices his achilles tendons from behind the stairs! FREAKS me out!!!

Jacquelyn said...

Um...*ahem* are not alone in your fear. :)

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