Sunday, January 31, 2010

Sweet Frustration


Just look at that sweet face.  
How in world could that peaceful, adorable face 
be causing me such frustration
It's petty, really, and I know that.

It's just that she only sleeps like that when I either hold her or Ergo her or cuddle her in my bed.  When one of those three options are employed, she's a great sleeper.  In her bassinet, I can only count on about 30 minutes of peaceful sleep ... before she needs me to help her fall back to sleep. 

Today I feel like every moment of my free time is spent helping her to sleep and keeping her that way.  And I am feeling frustrated.

A big part of my current predicament is my fault ... but I rationalize it mostly because of her age and size.

CJV is still so young and small.  She's nearly two months old, but she's only weighing in the mid seven pound range - a weight that is typical of - if not smaller than - most newborns.  And so I continue to treat her like a newborn.  I hold her and cuddle her and watch her sleep.  I know that I should be empowering her to put herself to sleep ... that transition should probably be happening now.  But I am not sure I am ready to give her that slice of independence.  Part of me loves knowing that she so completely depends on me.

In the back of my mind and squeezing at my heart is the fact I won't be the mommy of a newborn ever again; at least we've semi-made that decision.  Selfishly, I just want to soak up every moment.

But, just as selfishly, I could also use a few moments to myself.  Oh, what's a momma to do?!

15 comments:

Oka said...

I know I would be doing the same thing. I was never lucky enough to have "small babies". My baby, now 2, is a very tall 40 pounder. He was almost 9 lbs when born. I don't think he actually lost any of the weight, and he wasn't slow about gaining it either. My kids got heavy fast and it made for awkward cuddling times. Therefore, I know if I was graced with a 7lb 2 month old, I would be doing the exact same thing you are doing.

singedwingangel said...

Oh I feel ya hun. Imiss having newborn snuggle time. When my great niece and nephw were born I was over the moon. IT is hard being a momma and allowing them to take a big step like that without feeling as if we are either pushing them to grow up or we are not ready for them to grow up lol

Ali said...

My first was the same way. At about 3 months old he would be fine in his crib, never liked the pack n play or anything that was not like a "real" bed mattress. Of course then he had surgery and was afrair of his crib....
None the less, I secretly loved that he was so dependent on me, he and I are very close, maybe that is why. I understand your frustration I am sure it will pass so hang in there and adore every minute of it.

VandyJ said...

Enjoy it while you can. BRuiser was nevera good sleeper. He also preferred Mommy for his mattress. He was well over four months before he started to sleep in his crib(mostly because he hated to sleep on his back). SHe will grow out of the snuggles soon enough and can learn to sleep on her own then.

Emmett Joseph said...

Don't worry, when I come out to visit, I'll put her sleep for you :)

Jessica said...

Honey- I feel your pain. Why is it sleeping is such a hard thing for those little bundles? Mine is sleeping great - during the day. Night time is another story. We are working on staying awake more during the day so she will sleep at night. Good luck with finding a workable solution!

Kat said...

After spending the day at Maternity clinicals in nursing school, all I can say is soak it up. It is so worth it in the end. I did it with my kids, and man, now they are grown and one has kids of his own. They don't stay small forever. Hang in there...she will learn to sleep soon enough. SHE is BEAUTIFUL by the way...

Margaret said...

I am sure that is a really hard thing to go through. I wish I had words of advice but I don't.

Lisa said...

I sure can't help you cause I would be doing the same thing...she is so adorable.

Epiphius said...

I just made a little nest on the couch that involves the laptop, remote, something to drink and sometimes a snack. I started with Sugar Booger sleeping on me all the time, then transitioned her to sleeping on my leg, then next to me. Right now, she's on the other couch and I can respond to her immediately if she needs it, but I have the freedom to pee! :)

I hope you guys find a solution that works for you!

Elaina said...

I know I should shut up about the swaddling, but I'm telling you, it worked miracles for both babies when it came to getting them to sleep for long periods of time. Give that miracle blanket a try! Hope you get some good zzzzzzs. xoxo

Big Mama Cass said...

What do you mean Ergo her?

I know what you mean. It is so hard to put them down. Everyone kept telling me that with Monkey... "put him down! put him down!" and then it got to the point where he wouldn't sleep unless he was being held and I got stuck. I wish there was a good answer to give you but there isn't. :(

LMJ said...

My LO is 4 months old now, and has always slept in her crib. I loved to have her with me, but was always afraid I might roll over her.

Yankee Girl said...

Hang in there. It has to get better, right?

I have no experience with this so I'll just say good luck!

Working Mommy said...

It must be so hard to say no to that face!

~WM

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