what a month!

I realize I haven't posted much about Charlotte lately.

And, well, that's probably because I am too busy entertaining her, keeping her out of trouble, building up a tolerance for her incessant fussing, and trying to figure out how to get this child to sleep.

While she certainly has her moments ... 

adorable, happy, sweet moments ... like these ...

when she's crawling up the stairs, playing in the kitchen, throwing rice out of the bin, "riding" her new car, tearing up tissue paper, trying to eat cat food, emptying out the shoe bin, bouncing on the bed with daddy and Natalie, and just waking up from a nap, ...  

 

this past month has been tough, a struggle, a challenge, 

a test of my abilities and patience.

I'll blame it on teething.  Since the beginning of April, Charlotte has gotten four front teeth on top and four molars.  She has drooled and cried and fussed and whined.  There has been a fair amount of infant ibuprofen and almost constant binky sucking.  Her appetite was even curbed for a day or two.  And most recently, she's added teeth grinding to the mix, which is a sound I can just barely tolerate.

I'll blame it on frustration.  She is still only crawling and pulling up, but there is clearly a desire to get down and move around.  This phase - not-yet-walking - is so hard!  Add to the mix the fact that she definitely knows what she wants, when she wants it, but is still not saying or signing much, and you've got a recipe for exasperation on both of our parts.  She "screams" at me all day long, and many times I am feeling just as frustrated as she is ... plus I cannot even hear myself think because of the constant fussing (aka screaming).


I'll blame it on lack of sleep.  Charlotte takes between 2 and 3 hours to fall asleep at night.  She gets her bath (which is her favorite time of day), reads a story, rubs her eyes, has a yawn or two, tolerates my singing, goes in her crib, and then the party begins.  For a while, I assumed this was just her time to practice new skills like crawling and pulling up - but she's been doing those things forever and gets plenty of practice during the day.  She is not unhappy in her crib in her dark room.  Most of the time she's quiet and will sometimes chat and then cry out when she loses her binky or bunny.  But it takes hours for her to fall asleep.  And I feel frustrated and guilty ... because I cannot figure out how to help her put herself to sleep.  Ultimately, her good night's sleep is getting grossly short-changed.  She wakes up tired and grumpy instead of rested and delightful.  As a result her nap schedule has been a complicated as a Rubic Cube, which makes planning the day nearly impossible. 

Ah, my sweet Charlotte Jane, this has been a tough month, but I know we'll get through it, and you'll come out the other side a happy, walking, talking, sleeping toddler ... and perhaps I will have a few shreds of sanity left!

ES(minus the P): 9 Months

It occurred to me today that my baby has spent as much time growing outside my body as she did inside!  As hard as it is to believe, Charlotte Jane is NINE months old!  Before too long, we will be celebrating her first birthday!  She is still a tiny little peanut, but we've seen good developmental strides this month.

Weight: 13 pounds (projected to be about 14.5 pounds at a year!)
Clothing Size: 6 months (even a few 3 month outfits still fit) 
Teeth: two - bottom front

EAT:  Charlotte is still nursing 6-8 times a day ... and through the night.  Just in the past month, she has taken a liking to solids ... but that has not helped our sleep problems.  She refuses to eat rice cereal or oatmeal, and I am guessing it's a texture issue ... based on the contorted faces she makes and my own past issues with texture.  At this point, her menu consists of apples, pears, bananas, prunes, squash, sweet potatoes, carrots, and peas.  If I had to name favorites, I would say apples and squash with carrots running a close third.  Charlotte also loves Mum-Mums which she self-feeds quite enthusiastically.  Sometimes she can even get a puff in her mouth - picking them up is not a problem.  I've introduced the sippy, but size is an issue here; can't seem to find a cup small enough for her to manage.  Perhaps she'll just have to grow into it :)

SLEEP:  Oh, this is a hard one for me to talk about.  Mainly because I am (and have been) so frustrated by her inability to sleep through the night.  And by "through the night" I mean for a stretch longer than three hours.  She is just not a good sleeper.  In fact, it's 3:15 am right now, and she's awake.  Has been since about 12:30.  Sometimes swaddling helps.  Sometimes it doesn't.  Seems ridiculous to swaddle a 9 month old, but I have literally tried everything.  I've read three different books ... none of which account for her size / slow weight gain or the fact that she doesn't really CRY - she fusses some, she pedals her legs, she talks to herself, ... she doesn't seem all that discontent.  However, I cannot sleep when she doesn't sleep.  And the sleep deprivation has really, really taken a toll on me.  It doesn't seem to bother her, but I worry that she is not getting enough of the rest that her brain and body need.  Charlotte takes two naps a day - one in the morning from about 9:00 to 10:30 and another from 1:30 to 4:00. Here's what a typical night looks like:

1. Bedtime is between 7:00-7:30; she gets a bath, a book, and a feed.
2. Sometime between 9:30-10:30 she wakes up and eats like she's starving.
3. Between midnight and 1:00 she is awake again.  Usually a pat and the binky put her back to sleep.
4. Some nights (like tonight) Charlotte is awake this entire stretch - for two to three hours.
5. It's time to eat again between 3:00 and 4:00.
6. Her internal alarm block wakes us up again at 6:30 - binky or feed.
7. And then we are out of bed by 7:30 at the latest.

Does it seem right for a nine month old to be waking up at least four times?

Well, it's been 30 minutes - it's now 3:45, and I can hear through the monitor that she's in her crib pedaling her legs and humming. 

I will save the P (poop and personality) and Milestones for another time ... did I mention that I am so ridiculously tired?!

ESP: Lucky Number 7

Another month older ... and wiser.

Another pound bigger ... it's about time!

WEIGHT: about 12 pounds (officially 11 pounds 14 ounces at her doctor's office weigh-in, but at some point this weekend my scale indicated 12 pounds)


CLOTHING SIZE: Still wearing 3 month clothes, but I've started pulling out the 6-month stuff!


EAT

We have not had much luck with solids.  The rice cereal caused constipation and gas.  Waited a week. Tried bananas, at the pediatricians urging, but those caused vomiting.  Honest-to-goodness puking ... for like three hours.  Waited another week.  Gave oatmeal a try because a few moms suggested that oatmeal is easier on the tummy.  Well, it never actually made it to CJV's stomach because she absolutely refused to open her mouth.  And, so my hopes of a decent growth spurt - caused by the introduction of solids - didn't happen.

SLEEP

Someone set Charlotte's internal alarm block to 6:30 am - sharp!  Every single morning, she wakes up at 6:30 ... no matter what time she goes to bed, how dark her room is, how quiet the house is, ... she's awake.  But not for long.  I usually snuggle her in bed with me, nurse her a little, and get another hour of slumber.  Then she hangs out while NHV and I have breakfast before going back to bed for an hour or so. She also takes a great afternoon nap; usually 3 hours or more.  And then she would like to go back down for 45 minutes in the evening, but that pushes bedtime back.  But if I keep her awake, she goes down at bedtime, wakes up 45 minutes later, and won't go back to sleep for an hour.  This is a habit I would very much like to break.

PERSONALITY | PLAY

Charlotte loves bathtime! Just the mention of the word "bath" gets her kicking and smiling!  Her tub is up on our double vanity, which may have to change soon because she splashes so much!  The entire counter and mirror ... and bath-giver ... get completely soaked.  She splashes with such a determined look on her face that I can't help but laugh.

Charlotte is also enjoying her toes!  Her right foot is in her mouth (or close to it) about 75% of the time!  This is my favorite "baby" milestone.  There's just something so fascinating about this discovery ... those appendages have been there all along, but she just now figured that out.

Her favorite toy appears to be Jangles, a Discovery Toys Giraffe.  He hangs from her car seat handle, and she adores him!  The Rainforest Bouncer and Jumperoo also get a lot of smiles and squeals!

Charlotte continues to be quick to smile.  People comment on this all the time, "Oh, she's such a smiley baby."  "She smiles with her whole face."   If you smile at her, she's more than likely going to smile right back at you!

MILESTONES

She is still not sitting up but can hold herself pretty well in the Bumbo and tripods with some encouragement from me.  She pulls herself to a sitting position whenever I put her on my lap ... no more laying back when there's a whole world to see!  She can roll from her tummy to her back but doesn't always bother ... sometimes she just lays her head down and fusses instead.  She is so close to being able to roll from her back to her tummy; Natalie was about this age when she mastered that skill and dislocated her elbow.  Charlotte laughs a lot and verbalizes when the mood strikes.

ESP: 6 months

Happy Half Birthday to my little baby girl!

What?!  How in the world did that happen?  It's been six months - half a year - since Charlotte Jane was born.  I'm gonna blink, and it will be time to plan her 1st birthday party!

Since my last ESP report (and, I know, it's been way too long), it seems like Charlotte has begun to take her role as Little Sister more seriously ;)  I've really enjoyed watching my two daughters interacting more and loving on each other plenty!  Charlotte absolutely lights up when Natalie walks in the room!  She has a great smile anyway, but there's something extra special about that expression she has for her big sister.  While Natalie goes about the business of being a toddler, Charlotte watches her ... and her eyes tracking her from one side of the room to the other.  And when Natalie checks on her baby sister, there is always a squeal of delight!

Let's get right to the photos ...

and the stats ...
Weight: 11 pounds - seems like she is hovering right at 11 pounds
Length: 23 inches (according to Chad)

She's a peanut!  Yes, my SIX month old is still wearing size THREE-month clothes.  I've been forced to buy a few new outfits because I am so sick of seeing her in the same things!  What a shame!  That Little Sister onesie just called to me, and those pants are capris - they're suppose to be short.  And grammy insisted on getting her that crazy headband.  I resisted at first, but now I can admit that I think it's pretty darn cute on her little noggin!

Eating: Still exclusively breastfed, but we are gearing up to introduce some "solids" soon.  She nurses six to eight times in a 24-hour period.  Nursing during the day is really hit-and-miss ... or latch-and-unlatch ... because she is so distracted by what's going on around her.  Using the Hooter Hider doesn't help; the bold pattern is like a feast for her eyes ... when she should be feasting!  At night, she is such a great, efficient, appreciative eater ... she latches right on, takes care of business, and gives me little sighs of contentment.  I love the way she balls up her fist and puts it right in my cleavage ... I'll miss that someday!

Sleeping: Remind me never to "boast" about (or even mention) having a baby who is a good sleeper.  That just isn't true of Charlotte - at least not anymore.  Is it possible that I totally jinxed myself!?  I am not entirely sure when her habits went so terribly wrong, but she had an especially tough time while we were in Illinois.  In fact, most nights she fell asleep in the crib but ended up sleeping with me from about midnight on. 

Since we've been home, she wakes me up about every two hours.  Sometimes she wants to eat, others she just wants to check in with me or needs help locating her binky.  Because she is still so small, I haven't even considered sleep training, and honestly, I don't have any  hopes of her sleeping through the night anytime soon ... better to keep low expectations and be surprised!  

She actually puts herself to sleep fairly well.  I usually just give her a few pats and a kiss on the head and let her take care of the rest.  A noisy sleeper as a newborn, she makes this adorable, rhythmic "winding down" sound as she's falling asleep.  I am still swaddling her from the chest down, but I am not sure she "needs" it.   Her preference is to sleep on her side with her feet crossed and her two hands pulled together near her face.  Bedtime is about the same as Natalie's - 8:30. She wakes me up - like an alarm clock - at 6:30 am.  Because we have the bed to ourselves, I snuggle up with my baby girl and we sleep until Natalie wakes us.

During the day, her current pattern is to take three or four naps:

• two hour-long nap in the morning - one about an hour after waking up and then again after about two hours
• a 2 or 3 hour nap in the afternoon usually at about the same time as Natalie's
• a little 45 minute snooze in the evening - usually while we eat dinner.  

Personality:  Charlotte is full of smiles and also very patient - and that's quite a combination!  Smiles, smiles, and mores smiles!  And she doesn't discriminate ... just about anyone can get a big gummy smile!  Say hi, tell her she's a cutie, smile at her, ... chances are she'll smile right back!  Meeting our family back in IL was a thrill as she won them all over with her sweet personality!
Caring for both a toddler and an infant is tough - even on a good day - but Charlotte makes it a little easier on me because she's just so darn patient.  She waits and entertains herself through potty breaks and snack serving and meltdown avoidance.  As long as I check in with her and she sees my face, she's okay; she'll wait ... even near her own mealtimes.  Most of her "waiting" is done on the playing mat or in the bouncer seat or under her mobile.  Recently we also introduced her to the jumperoo - but she just dangles and bats at the toys. While she plays, she rubs her feet together - almost constantly.  I have to keep socks on her tootsies or she'll rub the inside of her feet until they are bright red.
Yep, she'll happily sit on the sidelines, but Charlotte also loves to be right in the middle of the action, too. She happily sits on my lap and reads stories with her big sister.  It cracks us up because she is most vocal during storytime - it's almost like she's reading the book or commenting on the plot!  Some mornings we all snuggle in bed for a few minutes, and Charlotte squeals with delight and kicks her feet and reaches for Natalie's face.  She also rides in the Bjorn or Ergo without fussing.  Just yesterday she took a nap in the Ergo while Natalie and I browsed books at the library.  It seems the only time Charlotte is high maintenance is between the hours of midnight and 6:00 am ... when she can have my full attention!


Milestones:

• Grasping, Reaching, and Putting in Mouth - check, check and check!
• Recognizing her Name - Yes, and smiles when she hears it :)
• Rolling Over - Well, she can roll from her tummy to her back, but she doesn't do it very often.  No luck with back-to-tummy although she does try.
• Sitting Up - Not even close.  I am going to blame her small size on this one.  She just doesn't have any extra cushion to help hold her upright.
• Eating "Solids" - that's next on my list ... waiting for her check up on Monday to get the official go-ahead from the doctor, and then bring on the rice cereal and bananas!

ESP: 15 weeks

Oh, how I love my Charlotte Jane.  She is such a wonderful baby!  And it feels like we've kind of hit our stride these past few weeks. No major issues.  I guess the only issue is that I keep wondering if there is something wrong that both the doctor and I are missing.  After worrying about her for so many weeks - and through so many ultrasounds and non-stress tests - and having her induced early and born so tiny, I just can't shake this constant worry.  Not that she gives me reason to worry; she's really that good of a baby. ... I have absolutely no rational reason for this concern, but it's there swirling around the back of my mind.  During a recent visit, our doctor assured me that CJV is perfectly, wonderfully healthy, but she also helped me to understand this excessive worry is fairly common amongst moms of preemies.  Hoping that soon I can relax and leave this constant concern behind.

Weight: 9 pounds 5 ounces

Still riding the 3rd percentile trajectory, which is a good thing ... but she's such a little peanut!  Her hands and feet are so tiny compared to even younger babies we encounter.  Based on ootprints from the hospital, CJV's feet - at 3 months - are still smaller than NHV's at birth.

Eating:  Yep, she's still eating ... nothing but breastmilk ... about 6 or 7 times a day.  We've struggled some with a gassy tummy these past few weeks, but a little Mylicon seems to do the trick.  I've been trying to avoid trigger foods, but I am just not sure of the culprit.  She nurses best in the later in the day and during the night.  It seems like in the morning she just wants to smile and chat and play; she's too busy to eat a good meal until around 1:00.  Yesterday her feedings looked like this ... 10:00 pm, 4:00 am, 8:30 am, 11:00 am, 2:00 pm, 6:00 pm, 8:00 pm.

Sleeping:  I think I've got another good sleeper on my hands.  It seems CJV is following in her big sister's footsteps when it comes to liking her sleep!  In fact, several times she's slept until 6:00 am after going to bed at 10:00 - 8 long hours.  Of course, I was up every hour after 3:00 to check on her.  It's pretty typical now for her to go an average of 6 hours at night.  (If I could get off this darn computer and go to sleep at a decent hour, I could potentially be quite rested!)  Thankfully she also naps well and at about the same time as NHV, so I join her for naptime a few times each week. 

CJV gives clear signs when she is tired ... yawns, turns her head away, brings her hands together across her chest, and grunt-fusses if you don't get the message.  However, CJV does not fall asleep very easily.  She doesn't doze in her swing and fights sleep when in her car seat. Even when I hold her, she makes eye contact.  And I limit my singing because she just watches me and won't close her eyes.  Really, the best way to get her to fall asleep is to cover her eyes with a blanket and be quiet and still.  It's like she's afraid of missing something important, so I trick her into thinking there's nothing going on.

She doesn't need to be swaddled, but she does like to suck her binky as she's falling asleep.

My next big mission is to transition her from the bassinet in our bedroom to her own crib in the nursery.  I am sure she's ready for this change but I am not. I love having her near me.  Moving her out of my room means shes doesn't need me as much ... I have such mixed emotions about that :(

Personality: Charlotte is a happy, happy baby.  She is so smiley, and I've even gotten a few giggles out of her!  She is also very patient and rarely gets upset even when her feeding is delayed a few minutes.  Bathtime is a favorite time for us; she is so calm and relaxed ... and I just love seeing her naked ;)  She is  very vocal and has a range of adorable noises ... coos, aaaahs, ooohs, ... high and low pitches.  Sometimes it's hard to read a book to both girls because Charlotte "talks" loudly through the whole thing!    Her new favorite "game" is watching a helium balloon - that I tie to her ankle - bounce around.

Milestones of Note:

• Finally got the cradle cap under control ... it was bad!
• Handles tummy time for longer periods of time
• Bats at the toys dangling from her activity mat
• Tracks moving objects
• Recognizes faces and voices ... mommy, daddy, and big sister always get a smile when we move into her field of view.

ESP: Six Weeks

Current Weight: 7  pounds

EAT:  From an eating standpoint, the past ten days have been very different.  At her one month check-up (10 days ago), the pediatrician deemed her weight gain (6 lbs. 9 oz. at that point) significant and consistent.  Enough that I got the go-ahead to stop the pumping, stop the bottle-feeding, stop waking her for feedings, and breastfeed exclusively and on-demand.    What a relief!  I was so happy to finally be released from the pump prison!   The best part, though, the switch has been nothing but successful!  I am amazed by how well my little baby transitioned from chugging a bottle to sucking the ... well, I don't want to get graphic, but you know. 

And I would say that she's even better at nursing than NHV ... not that I am comparing or making it a competition.  It just surprises me because I've heard so much about nipple confusion and babies who refuse to nurse after drinking from a bottle for extended amounts of time.  Even more impressive, CJV goes for decent stretches in between feedings ... 2, 3, 4, even 5 hours.  NHV nursed all the freaking time ... like every hour and a half to two hours ... longer stretches were rare rather than the norm.

In the past few days, I have noticed an increase in spit-up ... but I think that's normal at this point.  I just hope it doesn't last as long as it did with Natalie.

SLEEP:  Charlotte continues to be a pretty darn good sleeper.  (Gosh, I hope I am not totally jinxing myself here!)  And her periods of alertness are definitely increasing.  She's not great at putting herself to sleep; she fights it a little.  She doesn't really cry or fuss ... just gets that wide-eyed stare, classic overstimulation.  But the 5 S's ... swaddle, side, shush, swing, and suck ... are pretty fool-proof in triggering her calming reflex.  Of course, CJV still prefers to be held while snoozing - she's a newborn afterall, but she can also sleep for good stretches in her bassinet ... if the planets align just right.  The Ergo carrier has been invaluable during the day.  Charlotte will sleep in there while Natalie and I go about our business.  When she does get really tired, the stork bites on her eyelids get darker.

PERSONALITY:  I know I am completely biased, but geez, this baby girl is so very sweet!  She's very calm and mellow ... the majority of the time.  Even when she does get upset, Charlotte is quick to soothe and overall very content.  I love all the baby sounds she is making now ... aaaaahs and ooooohs and sighs.  Although she honks less, there are still plenty of grunts and snorts.  If she's waking up and feeling hungry, she tells me with a series of stretches and grunts.  She also has the best sleep grins.  I am still waiting on the real thing, but in the meantime, I cannot get enough of her little grins! 

Charlotte's favorite things (aside from the girls) ... her binky, my face, when I sing, "Hey, hey pretty Charlotte," the Fussy Baby poster next to her changing table, a foam wedge, and the fan in our master bathroom.

And I'll leave you with one more photo ... her little outfit, a gift from my friend Sarah Lou, says, "Whoooo's the cutest?"

You are Charlotte Jane.  You are.