where was i?

After typing this title, I have to kind of chuckle ... because, really, it's a valid question in regards to my much-neglected blog ... but I will save all of that for another time. 

Right now, I need to hear from you ... so I am dusting off ...

Two times in the past week, Natalie has asked me, "Where was I?"  And both times, I struggled to answer this question.  Both conversations went something like this ...

"Mommy, when did you and daddy get married?"

"Oh, that was a long time ago, honey.  Twelve years ago."

"How old was I when you got married? Was I a little baby?"

"You weren't even born yet, Natalie."

Big - long- pause - thoughtful expression ...

"Well, where was I, mommy?" 

Big - long-pause-totally, fa-reakin' stumped expression ...

"Ummm, well,  ... "

"Was I in your belly when you got married?"

"No, honey, you weren't growing in my belly yet.  I guess you were growing in my heart."

This sparked a string of giggles, and then this response, "Mommy, you silly!  Babies no grow in hearts.  Babies grow in bellies!"

HOW do I answer that question?   

Where was I (before I was born, before I was growing in your belly)?

Please help!

Let Your Presence Be Your Presents

Sometimes trivial quandaries that pop into my head and I can't help but wonder ... What do YOU, fellow mamas, fellow bloggers, friends near and far, SAY?  What's your opinion?  How do you handle this situation or that predicament?  Or even, what could I have done differently?  If the question/situation inspires you, please leave a comment :)

This week's question is not terribly serious, and I am asking mostly out of curiosity.

How do you feel about birthday parties without gifts?

Quite often it seems, parents are requesting "no gifts" at their child's party.  In fact, for NHV's recent birthday, I used the oh-so-clever "let your presence be your presents" line on the invitation.  My thinking was that , first of all, she already has soooooo much!  Secondly, really and truly, I just wanted to get together with my mommy friends and watch Natalie enjoy time with her little friends.  I did not want people to feel obligated to buy a gift simply because I sent out an invitation and baked cupcakes.

But then there's this part of me that feels like a party isn't really "complete" without a table full of  brightly colored boxes! Where does that mentality come from, I wonder?!  I also know that Natalie loves to tear into a gift.  Her face lights up and she immediately wants to "open it, please" so she can get right down to the business of playing and having fun and being a kid. 

At Natalie's party, I was not surprised to see several moms arrive with a package - despite my suggestion that gifts were not necessary.  (For the record, NHV received delightful presents, and I was touched by the thoughtfulness of my friends.)

Okay, enough of my recent experience ... time for the question(s) ...

Do you attend a child's birthday party ... empty-handed?
Do you show up sans gift - and respect the host's wishes?
Do you bring a little something just because it feels weird to attend a party without a present?
Do you ignore the "no gift" request and give the perfect present?
Have you made that "no gift" request?  Why or why not?



Do you let your presence be your presents?

How do you feel about birthday parties without gifts?

Handling a Playdate Bully

Thought I'd try something new here at MommyBrain.  Mainly because I like new, shiny things ... but also because I find myself pondering some of life's big questions ... often through internal dialogue that rather closely resembles "crazy-mumbling-to-myself."  Makes me wonder if my lips are moving during those conversations?  Am I the only mama talking to myself?  Please tell me I am not alone! Anyway, sometimes there are these trivial quandaries that pop into my head and I can't help but wonder ... What do YOU, fellow mamas, fellow bloggers, friends near and far, SAY?  What's your opinion?  How do you handle this situation or that predicament?  Or even, what could I have done differently?  If the question/situation inspires you, please leave a comment :)

How do you handle a playdate bully? Okay, so this week's question happens to be a predicament I haven't encountered to a major extent.  For the most part, the playdates we attend - and we do attend plenty of them -  are pretty tame ... only minimal pushing or occasional toy snatching.  However, I was at a playdate earlier this week, and this was the topic of conversation.  A mom feeling like her son was being bullied.   The mom of the bully was not appropriately responsive to the problem.  The bully was warned by the other mom that if he kicked her son one more time, the playdate would be over.  The kicking occurred again and the mom and her son left.  When she recounted this story to me, she asked, "How do you handle a playdate bully?"   It's such a good question!  Of course, this problem is exasperated by the fact that the moms are friends.  What does a situation like this do to a friendship?

I think she did the right thing.  I believe in advocating for my child in this situation ... even at the expense of a mommy friendship.  Keeping my little ones safe is my number one priority, and I am not okay with the idea of my child being kicked and hit or pushed and shoved ... beyond what I would deem "normal" physical contact with kids her own age. I'll be the first to admit that Natalie is guilty of pushing and toy snatching.  I make it a point to react to her misbehavior because it is not okay or kind to push and snatch.  While we haven't encountered an actual bully, I have been in the situation when pushing and snatching is all but ignored.  That is frustrating enough.  It is a tough conversation to have with a fellow mom; to point out that her child, her pride-and-joy is doing something "wrong" ... and even worse that she is not doing her job by ignoring it.  I  mean, can you imagine?!  I am not really one for conflict, which makes it even more difficult.  But ultimately, I go back to the fact that I want and need to keep my child safe.  How do you do that tactfully?  How do you do that and still maintain mommy friendships and your spot on the playdate circuit?

I am really stuck on this one ... actually, as I look back at what I've written, I notice it's now two questions:  What is the best way to handle bad behavior that goes unnoticed by the parent?  How do you handle a playdate bully?

So ... what do YOU say?

Please leave a comment ... or link up if you feel strongly enough to blog about it.

Leaving Kids in the Car

Thought I'd try something new here at MommyBrain.  Mainly because I like new, shiny things ... but also because I find myself pondering some of life's big questions ... often through internal dialogue that rather closely resembles "crazy-mumbling-to-myself."  Makes me wonder if my lips are moving during those conversations?  Am I the only mama talking to myself?  Please tell me I am not alone! Anyway, sometimes there are these trivial quandaries that pop into my head and I can't help but wonder ... What do YOU, fellow mamas, fellow bloggers, friends near and far, SAY?  What's your opinion?  How do you handle this situation or that predicament?  Or even, what could I have done differently?  If the question/situation inspires you, please leave a comment :)

Do you ever leave your kids in the car?  I fear this is a controversial topic, but I am asking this in a very benign way - promise!  Perhaps I'll first explain what I am NOT talking about ...

Someone recently told me a story of a gambling addict who left a very young baby in a car for 12 hours while she was inside a casino ... ummm, gambling would be my guess.  I don't know the outcome of that particular story, however I've heard horrific stories of little ones left in cars - accidentally or otherwise - and those scenarios did not end well.  But for my purposes and peace of mind,  I am going to assume that no one reading my blog would knowingly put a child in a life-threatening situation.

What I am talking about ... 

Today it was raining - big surprise - and I made a late afternoon trip to the market with both girls.  After doing our shopping, I brought my cartload of groceries and both girls through the raindrops and the puddles to my car and unloaded everything.  I didn't want the girls to be sitting in the rain while I put bags of groceries in the back, so I put them in their carseats first.  In my experience wet groceries are easier to deal with than soggy kids.  But then I am standing there with my empty cart and few options: 

• Load the girls back in the cart to walk back to the store to then carry CJV while holding NHV's hand all the way back to the car.
• Lock the doors and leave both girls in the car while I run the cart back.
• Stand in the rain, wait for someone to pass by, and offer him my cart.

I went with the second option, but I felt kind of funny about it.  I double checked to make sure the doors were locked.  I looked back over my shoulder a dozen times and kept the car in sight as best I could.  But I just felt like ... should I leave my kids in the car ... even for a minute?

I have one more example for you.  A few months ago, I needed to run into the local nail salon to grab a gift certificate for a friend.  I had both girls with me, but I didn't want to unload them for such a short errand ... and I really didn't want CJV (a newborn at the time) to be exposed to the fumes.  So I parked my car right out front and went inside.  The gentleman behind the counter helped me immediately.  I told him what I needed and explained that I had small children in the car.  I went back to the car to check on the girls, and then returned to sign the credit card slip and grab the certificate.  But I still felt unsure about leaving my kids in the car.

So ... what do YOU say?