I keep replaying the scene in my mind ... over and over again. I wish I had that split second back.
Charlotte fell off the changing table this evening. Yes, I am a terrible mom. Or at least I feel like a terrible mom. I feel awful knowing that something I did - without even thinking - caused my baby pain. Caused her to cry out, to be scared, to fall ... but not in that order.
I normally strap her in, but this time - for some reason - I didn't. I had only managed to take off her pants when Natalie began swinging the baby monitor over her head like a lasso. It whacked against the crib and the wall and nearly knocked her in the head. I issued a warning. It was not heeded. I turned my back and took three steps toward my misbehaving three year old and heard a thug :( Within a split second it registered. The next minute is a blur. I turned around to see Charlotte on the floor on her belly, and she was crying, which apparently is a good sign.
I very carefully turned her over and checked to see that she wasn't broken. And then I scooped her up and began calming her - while simultaneously instructing Natalie to go to her room and stay there. I called Chad and spoke through sobs. I pulled myself together and called our pediatrician's office and talked to a nurse. She ran me through a triage checklist and felt confident that Charlotte was probably okay just shaken up. While she was still on the phone, I put Charlotte in her crib and tried to finish what I started - changing her diaper. She cried out in pain several times when I moved her right leg.
My gut said, "Better safe than sorry." The nurse agreed, especially since I am leaving with the girls tomorrow for a 10-day trip to Illinois. So we visited the ER just to make sure ... thankfully Chad met us there and entertained Natalie with a book. My compliments - once again - to our ER; fast, friendly, thorough, ...
Charlotte checked out fine. No signs of head trauma, no bruises, normal responsiveness, generally happy, ... but, boy was I freaked out! I've been whispering, "I'm sorry," against her little head all evening. As penance, I rocked her to sleep - something I don't usually do. Of course, she's awake now chatting with her bunny ...
What I know now - that I already knew but temporarily had a lapse ...
Do not leave children unattended on raised surfaces!
Buckle up - every time!
