tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4324936726829398520.post4591971211706444259..comments2023-07-16T00:51:54.220-07:00Comments on MommyBrain: Handling a Playdate BullyMommyBrainhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16329570417513248245noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4324936726829398520.post-54198470153359839362010-06-14T12:01:48.460-07:002010-06-14T12:01:48.460-07:00One of my closest friends has a 3 y/o she pretty m...One of my closest friends has a 3 y/o she pretty much just refuses to discipline (at least consistently, which is almost worse than doing nothing). Even though he says nasty things, screams at, shoves, and does the opposite of everything he's told, my son, who's three months younger, WORSHIPS him. But the mom only nitpicks at the low-hanging fruit (even to my kids, just for good measure) and ignores the big picture that her son is a bully (toward her, too) and getting worse by the day.<br /><br />I am certain, however, that our friendship can't handle a confrontation. So to save my kids hurt feelings and bruises and having to bite my own tongue clear off (and having to spend a few days unteaching my kids rotten stuff), I just don't do playdates with her anymore. Both of our families will sometimes hang out during weekends, but we keep those plans few and far between.<br /><br />By far, not a great solution. But I hate conflict and think my mom is a good person who is in over her head but absolutely refuses to admit it.<br /><br />Great post!Debhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02586852341184678944noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4324936726829398520.post-894230882060685602010-06-13T17:03:33.063-07:002010-06-13T17:03:33.063-07:00This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4324936726829398520.post-66133155836326135882010-06-13T01:50:03.350-07:002010-06-13T01:50:03.350-07:00So glad you wrote this and I managed to stop by an...So glad you wrote this and I managed to stop by and see it! I have a post scheduled next week along the same lines!<br /><br />And the answer is: I don't know. That's why I'm so happy to read everyone else's replies! Ahhh! Thanks a ton! hahaAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4324936726829398520.post-46410704765058099882010-06-12T17:23:04.368-07:002010-06-12T17:23:04.368-07:00I rarely deal with it at the parent level. I deal ...I rarely deal with it at the parent level. I deal with the child in question, if I am the one to see it. My philosophy is that the correction/redirection/whatever you want to call it - should be done right away and will be equally effective from me. If a parent sees what I'm doing and steps in, all the better. I don't really worry about what those other parents think. If they won't take care of it, I will. If it is a reoccurring event, I make sure to let the child know that when I am there, bullying behavior won't be tolerated and that I'm watching to make sure it isn't happening.<br /><br />When (not if) it is my child, I deal with her immediately and consistently and I expect the same from the parents around me. She has a bit of a dominant personality and is never the quiet one in the group. I personally like that about her. It might not necessarily serve her well in the "learning to play well with others" phase but it will serve her well most other times in her life. <br /><br />And, from the parent of a child who was bullied a time or two - there is a part of me that really wanted to tell him to hit them back and harder... just a mama-bear gut reaction, I think. I didn't, but I really, really wanted to.Noellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12786529156073018350noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4324936726829398520.post-46735286358557946312010-06-12T11:19:03.536-07:002010-06-12T11:19:03.536-07:00LOL @ BJ Mama. Is it bad that I agree with her to ...LOL @ BJ Mama. Is it bad that I agree with her to an extent, even though she was joking? <br /><br />My kids have done things on playdates that weren't very nice- they do get a warning, have to apologize, and then we leave if they do it again. I don't believe in leaving the very first time they do something. <br /><br />I did have a mom freak out on me b/c my oldest hit hers- but what she didn't see was that my son was hitting hers BACK. That hers had come up behind him and punched him- so mine turned around and whacked him. <br /><br />I still told mine that he shouldn't do that, but I was SO annoyed at the mom b/c if hers hadn't started it, mine would never have hit. <br /><br />I sound whiny- but *he* started it...Shellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06811697675090627618noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4324936726829398520.post-32501451984456627992010-06-12T06:39:38.884-07:002010-06-12T06:39:38.884-07:00I say...tell your kis to hit/kick/bite them back.....I say...tell your kis to hit/kick/bite them back...HARDER!<br /><br />Okay, just kidding. MAMAS! Don't get your knickers in a twist!<br /><br />I'm feeling a little sassy today...BJ_Mamahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11260831914072358712noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4324936726829398520.post-69270857807209341132010-06-12T05:26:14.276-07:002010-06-12T05:26:14.276-07:00This is a tough one that I've only had to deal...This is a tough one that I've only had to deal with a few times. In a group playdate, it was easiest to just direct my child away from the bully, and I could forgive the mom for not noticing it since she was talking to someone else (and we all do that from time to time and miss something). In a smaller setting, though, I think I would pause to see if the parent said anything, then address the child directly like your friend did about the kicking. <br /><br />Sebastian gets upset if no one corrects other kids' misbehaviors, and I hate to set a bad example by seeming to ignore it when someone shoves or hits, so one time he looked right at me and said, "No hitting," and I said (a bit loudly), "You're right, Sebastian, hitting isn't nice. Tell (other kid) to please be gentle." The mom then took the hint. As our kids get older, it's going to feel a lot more comfortable to me to let them handle things so I don't have to get into it with the parents!Jessica {Team Rasler}https://www.blogger.com/profile/03605645521225532592noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4324936726829398520.post-55743979685478153622010-06-12T04:27:33.380-07:002010-06-12T04:27:33.380-07:00This is an amazing topic.. i just encountered that...This is an amazing topic.. i just encountered that.. my friends 3 year old was hitting my two year old over the head with various objects.. i tried to be nice but my friend never said a word to her kid.. even though i pointed it out.. when my friend went to the bathroom I'll admit I pointed my finger at the kid and said.. if you do that again.. I'm gonna put you in time out..the kid looked scared and was good the rest of the time..(yikes)nataleehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16999272522761149608noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4324936726829398520.post-44614375284877392382010-06-12T03:43:36.958-07:002010-06-12T03:43:36.958-07:00Aaa, I have a friend who's son is a year older...Aaa, I have a friend who's son is a year older than mine, at a playdate 2 summers ago her child walked over to mine and smacked him in the head with a cup (4 weeks after his skull was reconstructed) the mom looked and didn't say a word, I picked up my son, said to the host mom, sorry I have to go, I can't have my son in places were hitting goes unoticed, call me and WE can get together soon without some others. The kicker, everyone at the playdate was a teacher.... Even the mom in question! <br />I know kids are kids and this stuff happens, I just get mor upset with the parents that don't point out to their kids that certain behaviors are just not nice. Case and point, my son was bit at preschool, the mom of the biter looked for me at pick up and appologized to me and made her son say sorry to my son, it had already been handled by the teachers but she felt strongly about her son knowing it was not okay. Totally get that!Alihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00033702553112989065noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4324936726829398520.post-69364030728588331382010-06-11T22:26:49.115-07:002010-06-11T22:26:49.115-07:00Wow Dana, great topic! Oliver got some "playd...Wow Dana, great topic! Oliver got some "playdate digits" at school yesterday. I was all excited until one of the teachers said "Yeah, X can be a bit agressive, but they seem to like each other a lot". Now I'm in a quandry-do I call this mom for a playdate (never met her or her son, she wrote me a note about how her little guy talks about O all the time), or do I not becuase it's just to "out there"? After this post, I'm really stumped! <br /><br />You know the teacher in us comes out when we're in public-I can't stand seeing misbehavior by kiddos when some redirection would help. Sigh. I think I'll be "that mom" who always opens her mouth when she should keep it shut. I'll be glad to see what everyone else has to say about this one, I need some tips! Our only playdates to this point have been with NHV (such a hooligan, that one! LOL) and a couple of friends kiddos that we all treat like our own kids. <br /><br />Ok, everyone else, post up!Oliver'sMomhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00139362242056067101noreply@blogger.com