Just look at that sweet face.
How in world could that peaceful, adorable face
be causing me such frustration?
It's petty, really, and I know that.
It's just that she only sleeps like that when I either hold her or Ergo her or cuddle her in my bed. When one of those three options are employed, she's a great sleeper. In her bassinet, I can only count on about 30 minutes of peaceful sleep ... before she needs me to help her fall back to sleep.
Today I feel like every moment of my free time is spent helping her to sleep and keeping her that way. And I am feeling frustrated.
A big part of my current predicament is my fault ... but I rationalize it mostly because of her age and size.
CJV is still so young and small. She's nearly two months old, but she's only weighing in the mid seven pound range - a weight that is typical of - if not smaller than - most newborns. And so I continue to treat her like a newborn. I hold her and cuddle her and watch her sleep. I know that I should be empowering her to put herself to sleep ... that transition should probably be happening now. But I am not sure I am ready to give her that slice of independence. Part of me loves knowing that she so completely depends on me.
In the back of my mind and squeezing at my heart is the fact I won't be the mommy of a newborn ever again; at least we've semi-made that decision. Selfishly, I just want to soak up every moment.
But, just as selfishly, I could also use a few moments to myself. Oh, what's a momma to do?!